Reflections on a Decade of Marriage
In exactly 9 days my wife and I will have been married for a full decade. A long time during which a lot has happened – good and bad. We met in college (taking a marketing class together) and have been joined at the hip since the very first date.
Our first date – which took place at a TGI Friday’s across from campus spontaneously (5 minutes after we met to be precise) – most definitely was not a typical one. Contrary to every dating expert’s advice we tried to top each other for stories about past lovers that have exhibited bizarre behaviors. Most books on dating or relationship coaches will advise you that that subject is sure to be a date killer. For us, these stories had tears of laughter streaming from our eyes by the time we had finished dinner. We decided to continue our date when dinner was finished – not wanting to end the fun just yet and decided to head to a bar for a drink. That drink turned into a 3 hour conversation. A long walk finished. Our “early dinner” turned into a 6 hours date. I had to write a paper that night (due the next day. Yes, I have always been a procrastinator) and briefly considered cutting the date short after dinner, that would have been a huge mistake – lesson to yourself, never let time pressure stand in the way of what could be a first date with your soul mate.
After a brief kiss goodnight – nothing more – I remember getting into my car knowing that this would be the girl I would be marrying. I saw it so clearly in my mind it was unbelievable.
After only 3 months of dating we where engaged to be married and 13 months later we finally tied the knot. Most of our friends and even family thought we where crazy, especially since both of us had considered a long weekend away with somebody a long term relationship before meeting each other.
Ten years have passed and we now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter. There have been ups and downs, moves halfway around the world and the inevitable fights and disagreements every couple sees. But it all has pulled us closer together and made our love grow and flourish every day.
One of the questions I receive most often from my clients is how to keep a relationship fresh – or better put, the romance alive. I won’t lie to you, it is easy to settle into a routine and just go with the flow. However, I believe if you are crazy about each other there is no reason why you need to settle into routine.
I came across a fantastic interview on a blog called F*cking in Brooklyn yesterday. The article is actually what prompted me to write this post, since I normally don’t focus on my personal relationship much here. The interview was with a mystery rockstar “Mr X” and his wife “Mrs X” discussing their love and sexuality after years of marriage and having a child. Their view on love and sexuality is inspiring and almost mirrored to a T what I have always thought about my relationship with my wife. Marriage doesn’t have to mean the end of romance and excitement. In fact, it can be the beginning of a new appreciation of sexuality and intimacy that must be experienced.
I most certainly wasn’t abstinent before I met my wife and she has also compiled a very impressive roster of hook-ups over the years. Monogamy definitely wasn’t the first thing that was on our minds back in the day. But looking back over these past 10 years I could not imagine a hotter sex life and am grateful for having experienced these moments of bliss with someone who else who truly enjoys sex.
Being married to a person that enjoys sexuality and all it has to offer allows you to even further expand your horizons. We have experienced (and continue to) a lot of things related to sex. If you are sharing these experiences with somebody makes it even more meaningful.
Allegra, thank you very much for these past 10 years. I am looking forward to growing old with you – you are truly my one, my only, my everything.
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